looking at the latest hn thread about mastodon and seeing at least a half-dozen people who are essentially saying: "i went on mastodon and the people on there were behaving in a kind and respectful way, and it was too stressful to make myself behave in a kind and respectful way too, so i left"

weirds me out so much when i read stuff like this. like gives me a massive huge "unknowability of the other" feeling

like. what's the most charitable way we can interpret this sentiment?? are they saying "i'm incredibly clumsy and can't be trusted around people who i may hurt"? or "i just want to be allowed to be an asshole because it fits my personal brand and makes me feel cool and other people actually telling me this isn't cool is cramping my style"???

i think a big divide in the way that people are expected to behave (which we see a lot on the internet) may basically come down to how you define "respect"

a lot of people think "i respect this person" means "i try to treat this person how i would want to be treated"

whereas a lot of other people think "i respect this person" means "i try to treat this person how they want to be treated"

i personally prefer the latter. but you see lots of people who don't!

@jk This is actually called the "golden rule". So it has some merit on its neck.

"One should (not) treat others as one would like others to (not) treat oneself"

The issue with the latter example of yours is that you cannot possible know how anyone wants to be treated and it are thus prone to err. So I actually think the first is better.

I think respect online much is a matter of given time. Not that you always have to agree but the time and the recognition.

@shellkr you CAN know how people want to be treated, though! They tell you!